he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
