Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
