she was so not down for the gang bang
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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