I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
