so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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