I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
