mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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