Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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