Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
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