The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i think i have two assholes
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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