He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
