remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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