The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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