Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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