U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It's rum buckets o'clock
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
