Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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