Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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