your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
