I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
