he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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