But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
