You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
