I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
