you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
