There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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