I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
