I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
