He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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