her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
