Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
