I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
