If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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