I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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