somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
