Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
