Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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