So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
