u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
this will be a night to untag.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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