I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
bring money and cleavage
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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