I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
where are you?
Hypothermia
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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