Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
