great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
