u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize
