My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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