I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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