I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
