I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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