This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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