He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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