See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
