I'm sorry my penis didn't work
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
