one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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